


I'll Find My Way Back To You

by AzhaLambrin



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angry Kylo Ren, Angst, F/M, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Rey Needs A Hug, Reylofest, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, emo kylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 15:41:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13057026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzhaLambrin/pseuds/AzhaLambrin
Summary: Rey is trying hard to sleep but Ben isn't making it easy.(starts after the events of TLJ - spoilers *sort of* ahead?)





	I'll Find My Way Back To You

_Rey_.  


The sound of his voice echoed inside her head, so close yet a thousand light years away. It had been weeks since they last saw each other—no—since he last set an attack on the Resistance, on her, on his own mother. She hated that voice, pounding on the far recesses of her mind. Suddenly, there was a shudder in her distorted reality and she soon found herself waking from a dream, a nightmare of what had recently happened.  


Rey heaved a heavy sigh and tried to push away her thoughts. She couldn’t bear to think of him now, not without feeling foolish for thinking she could sway him from the influence of the Dark Side. With resolve, Rey laid her head back on the pillow…only to feel it breathe. She slowly turned her head and found herself laying on his chest because there he was, that glitch in her life, breathing deeply as he slept. He had one hand behind his head and the other on his heart.  


_It’s a dream_ , Rey reminded herself, but she wouldn’t move. She didn’t want to wake him. She wanted to kill him. After what he did, what he attempted to do, she knew that he needs to be stopped. And yet…  


Rey pulled away and hugged her knees, refusing to look at the man she thought she could save. All the words he had said to her that day came rushing back but it wasn’t like they ever left her mind anyway.  


_You're nothing_ , he said, _but not to me_.  


“Oh, Ben,” she whispers with a sigh.  


She lets herself lay down again, beside this projection of a person. _A monster_ , she wanted to correct herself but even thinking it felt surreal because for the few moments they have had together, she knew that there was more to him, more light than he would ever admit.  


Or perhaps she was tricking herself into that false hope.  


Then in the silence of the dark room, there came a response.  


“You’re here.”  


It wasn’t loud, but it was loud enough for her to hear. It was also said in disbelief, as if it also pained him to be there, as if this was real.  


“It’s just a dream,” she said, almost doubtful.  


“Maybe it is.”  


But it felt too real, too _here_. Rey couldn’t pass the opportunity to say what she needed to say. But he beat her to it.  


“I will destroy you for what you did,” he said, spiteful.  


_No_ , Rey thought. _Hurt_ , she decided, _he’s hurt_.  


“I should say the same to you,” she replied now, fully awake. Rey felt the mattress shift under his weight as he started getting up but she didn't dare look at him now. She wasn't afraid he'd do something, only that she'd see how human he truly is.  


“I offered you everything.” 

There was anger but there was also sadness, a balance, one that she could understand because she felt them too.  


“And yet you gave me no choice,” Rey answered.  


Once again, she got up and bravely turned to the apparition, almost certain he’d disappeared. But he was still there, his back to her and his head bent down.  


“They can’t do anything for you,” he finally said after minutes of silence that passed between them. “They would only use you, and eventually discard you—just like your parents.”  


“And you won’t?” Rey demanded.  


“Never,” he replied, and it was a promise.  


He didn’t need to look at her for Rey to know that he meant it. They hate each other, that much is true, but only for the decisions that led them here not for what and who they are. She knows this now. So how does she say no?  


“I can’t turn my back on them,” she uttered. “It’s not that easy.”  


“You hold ties where it’s bound to fail,” he told her. “When you have exerted everything you have and still gain nothing, where will you be then? What can they do?”  


“I’m no one, remember? You said so yourself. I’m nothing. Yet I am anything but when I’m standing with them.” Feeling bold, she added, “I had hoped you would do the same.”  


“I did,” he admitted and there he was, more Ben than Kylo, more Jedi than Sith, more light than dark. He had hope, just like her, just like the Resistance…just like his family.  


Rey reached for him, her hand outstretched to his back. But then he turned and grabbed it, too tightly at first until he slowly loosened his grip.  


“Ben.”  


“Skywalker once told me something an old Jedi master told him,” he said, his eyes never straying away from Rey’s hand. “He said, ‘train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.’”  


“Ben—” she pleaded but it was too late.  


He had already slipped away, the connection cut, and they were once again thousands of light years away from each other. The room suddenly felt colder with his words hanging in the air. Rey knew it was going to be a long night and even when morning comes, everything that happened here would feel like a dream—or a nightmare, depending on how she would feel tomorrow.  


For now, there was only conflict, a throbbing pain in her chest and a longing for something that might never see the light. And as Rey resigned back to a sleepless rest, she hears Maz Kanata speak to her that day Kylo Ren took her.  


_The belonging you seek is not behind you,  
it is ahead_.

**Author's Note:**

> {I am just starting to write fanfic again so forgive my shortcomings on this one.}
> 
> REYLO is interesting to me for reasons I will no longer elaborate. Haters can hate all they want but I'm still not sorry.  
> I want to explore the complications of their possible relationship and the conflicts that come along the way.
> 
> ALSO, this will be short. If you liked it, I will post more! (just comment below or ♥ it)


End file.
